Life Changes

Isn't it funny how we hate for things to change in our lives, and when they do, how we react so strongly to them? I recently went through such a change, one that really hurt me. I had been spending lots of time and energy (and invested quite a bit of my emotions), with a group of people that are helping to change the world...At least, helping to change the world for animals. It was a great source of comfort, accomplishment, and solidarity for me, at least in the beginning. But it's really sad when one becomes disillusioned with people, after seeing what they are truly like on the inside. That's sort-of what happened with me...I became involved "on the inside," and I realized that quite a few of the people were not everything I made them out to be in my mind. So now, I find myself adrift again, wanting to help animals but not sure at this point how to do so, because I can't allow myself to be involved again with people who have no integrity in their personal relationships, or even in how they view the world. I truly don't know what to do. I know that I'll be taking a break, and that my upcoming trip to Germany will be a welcome relief from the stress, drama, and upheavals of the last three months or so...But what about when I return? What direction will my advocacy and activism take then? What will I do with myself? These are the things I do not know. I have found myself quite sad lately over all these negative changes (at least, in my view), and I don't know how long it will take me to bounce back from it. One thing is for certain: I will never give up on my dream of a world where non-human animals will no longer be exploited, tortured, abused, or misused by us human animals. I can't let go of that wish and desire. But this whole experience does leave me wondering (once again) about the integrity, honesty and trustworthiness of the people I meet, both within and without the AR movement.